Gone, but not forgotten...
We all leave imprints on each other and he surely touched and remains with me. This, I guess, is the life after death. Memories of his kindness and wit - enrich me still.
Kathryn Kaldor
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Uncle Clay
A message from Gwen Jenkins
While "nice" seems like a rather bland word to describe Clay, that is indeed what he was. And gentle and kind and thoughtful and so caring. This was not lost on the younger members of the Jenkins clan. About five and a half years ago, when we were still in the getting-acquainted process, Deborah, Todd, and the children were preparing to move up to their present home in Monument. The night before the scheduled moving day Miranda, then 7, suffered a seizure. The reason is still unknown, but after the emergency room visit and tests, she was exhausted. The next morning she was still groggy, as friends arrived to help with the move. Clay and Rachel happened to be in town, so they pitched in, as well. However, Clay took it upon himself to be Miranda's "keeper" during that long day, sitting on the couch with her (until someone moved it), hugging her and talking quietly. That's an image I shall always carry with me. She was so content to snuggle with him, and from then on they were special buddies. All of our grandchildren loved him and he endeared himself to our family, as he did to everyone, just by "being Clay".
While "nice" seems like a rather bland word to describe Clay, that is indeed what he was. And gentle and kind and thoughtful and so caring. This was not lost on the younger members of the Jenkins clan. About five and a half years ago, when we were still in the getting-acquainted process, Deborah, Todd, and the children were preparing to move up to their present home in Monument. The night before the scheduled moving day Miranda, then 7, suffered a seizure. The reason is still unknown, but after the emergency room visit and tests, she was exhausted. The next morning she was still groggy, as friends arrived to help with the move. Clay and Rachel happened to be in town, so they pitched in, as well. However, Clay took it upon himself to be Miranda's "keeper" during that long day, sitting on the couch with her (until someone moved it), hugging her and talking quietly. That's an image I shall always carry with me. She was so content to snuggle with him, and from then on they were special buddies. All of our grandchildren loved him and he endeared himself to our family, as he did to everyone, just by "being Clay".
A message from Sarah Krall
This is from an email I wrote to Rachel on 9 September. Last Friday she suggested I try to post my feelings; that it might help me; her sister had done the same thing. Articulate, I'm not, but my love and appreciation is there all the same.
I'm sorry I left so soon after the ceremony. Selfishly, I didn't need to talk any more. I just drove around in the canyon awhile and said my own thoughts. Rachel (this is really important), lying in bed that night I finally realized what was wrong and what I could have actually stood up and said in front of everyone. And I'm gonna kick myself in the butt for eons because I was listening too hard to think. No one honored Clay's love for you; no one spoke of your love and dedication and just the fun-loving spirit you had for each other. Maybe we were all too wrapped up in our personal pain, but I can not believe I didn't come up with it in time.
Sarah
I'm sorry I left so soon after the ceremony. Selfishly, I didn't need to talk any more. I just drove around in the canyon awhile and said my own thoughts. Rachel (this is really important), lying in bed that night I finally realized what was wrong and what I could have actually stood up and said in front of everyone. And I'm gonna kick myself in the butt for eons because I was listening too hard to think. No one honored Clay's love for you; no one spoke of your love and dedication and just the fun-loving spirit you had for each other. Maybe we were all too wrapped up in our personal pain, but I can not believe I didn't come up with it in time.
Sarah
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Clay's Compassion of Spirit
Like Rachel's sister, Deborah, I'm sure many of us had things we wish we'd said at Clay's Celebration...but, for whatever reason it didn't happen. There was something else that I wish I'd said to the masses...but then again, it would've made me cry. Not that we weren't all crying at Clay's Celebration...but, standing there in front of everybody, I don't know that I could've retreated as gracefully/successfully as Dan onto another Clay story....buying more time to get composed again.
What I wish I'd said is something I have no doubt that all of Clay's friends would agree with...very much in line with Michelle's comment that "Clay was on the 'far side of nice'". The fact that I can't think of a single person who would have a bad thing to say about Clay...because he NEVER spoke ill of anyone. He only spoke kindly and positively about everyone and everything. I can't say that for even myself personally. I voice my opinions all the time...and will say that there are some folks I don't care too much for their antics...but, you would never-ever hear Clay say anything poorly about anyone. He would merely just choose to not say anything vs something negative. It was this compassion of spirit that was so incredibly endearing about him.
What I wish I'd said is something I have no doubt that all of Clay's friends would agree with...very much in line with Michelle's comment that "Clay was on the 'far side of nice'". The fact that I can't think of a single person who would have a bad thing to say about Clay...because he NEVER spoke ill of anyone. He only spoke kindly and positively about everyone and everything. I can't say that for even myself personally. I voice my opinions all the time...and will say that there are some folks I don't care too much for their antics...but, you would never-ever hear Clay say anything poorly about anyone. He would merely just choose to not say anything vs something negative. It was this compassion of spirit that was so incredibly endearing about him.
Clay's Thoughts on Soulmates
Below is an excerpt from a longer msg I received from Clay. I have thought often about his expanded definition of "soulmates". I just think this is a lovely quote from him...and sums up so much about him...and why he drew SO MANY people so close to him. He had endless SOULMATES in his life.
On 18 April 2006, Clay wrote:
An insight that I gained from someone who was quite close to me is that "soulmate" is beyond the idea of "the one and only" person "meant" for someone. Soulmates actually provide great development for each other. Sometimes that road is rocky and other times it's more fun like rocky road ice cream:)
We are certainly Soulmates. I thank you for continuing to journey together. Certainly there are more adventures to come:)
On 18 April 2006, Clay wrote:
An insight that I gained from someone who was quite close to me is that "soulmate" is beyond the idea of "the one and only" person "meant" for someone. Soulmates actually provide great development for each other. Sometimes that road is rocky and other times it's more fun like rocky road ice cream:)
We are certainly Soulmates. I thank you for continuing to journey together. Certainly there are more adventures to come:)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
For Rachel
I have spent this last week reflecting on the celebration of Clay’s life that so many of us shared in Lander last week, and so many others from far away. I send my heartfelt thanks to all who helped plan, coordinate, and execute such a beautiful tribute.
So many people told great stories about Clay. Some knew him as a boy, or as a young man deciding on a whim to cast off his business suit and go teach scuba diving. Others knew him on the Ice, or in Glacier. In retrospect, I am regretting that I didn't speak at the celebration, too. For whatever reason, the things that I would have said came to me about 36 hours too late to be useful.
The truth is lots and lots of people knew Clay better than I did, and part of my sadness comes from the fact that I always thought there would be time. So if it’s true that he would have wanted us each to get something out of the experience of losing him, for me it's the realization that we should never assume there will be time.
I knew Clay because he loved my sister, and so my story would have been about Rachel. When we were kids, she and I used to go into toy stores and set all the stuffed animals upright on the shelves so they could all see. (OK, I admit that we still do that.) It might seem weird to say that stuffed animals could be profound symbols of a relationship, but for me that is in fact what they are. They represent whimsy, playfulness, simplicity, gentleness, and the all-important “sense of silly” that have always made my sister-hood with Rachel a safe harbor in a storm for me. She has the gift of easy laughter. In our family pictures she was always the one sticking her tongue out and being goofy. Clay touched that part of her, and understood it, and brought it out. And she, in turn, brought it out in him. I think of him now, posing for pictures with Orson, the traveling bear. I think of how he gave Rachel her perfect nickname- Lamb. And I remember how he took care of her with such gentleness when her beloved dog Craig died.
Finally, I think I would have shared this poem, which makes me think of Clay because Rachel has told me that one of his gifts to her was to help her be braver. She says he gave her greater courage to embrace the world, and all that it offers to our imaginations.
We all miss you, Clay. We all wish we had more time.
Wild Geese, by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
So many people told great stories about Clay. Some knew him as a boy, or as a young man deciding on a whim to cast off his business suit and go teach scuba diving. Others knew him on the Ice, or in Glacier. In retrospect, I am regretting that I didn't speak at the celebration, too. For whatever reason, the things that I would have said came to me about 36 hours too late to be useful.
The truth is lots and lots of people knew Clay better than I did, and part of my sadness comes from the fact that I always thought there would be time. So if it’s true that he would have wanted us each to get something out of the experience of losing him, for me it's the realization that we should never assume there will be time.
I knew Clay because he loved my sister, and so my story would have been about Rachel. When we were kids, she and I used to go into toy stores and set all the stuffed animals upright on the shelves so they could all see. (OK, I admit that we still do that.) It might seem weird to say that stuffed animals could be profound symbols of a relationship, but for me that is in fact what they are. They represent whimsy, playfulness, simplicity, gentleness, and the all-important “sense of silly” that have always made my sister-hood with Rachel a safe harbor in a storm for me. She has the gift of easy laughter. In our family pictures she was always the one sticking her tongue out and being goofy. Clay touched that part of her, and understood it, and brought it out. And she, in turn, brought it out in him. I think of him now, posing for pictures with Orson, the traveling bear. I think of how he gave Rachel her perfect nickname- Lamb. And I remember how he took care of her with such gentleness when her beloved dog Craig died.
Finally, I think I would have shared this poem, which makes me think of Clay because Rachel has told me that one of his gifts to her was to help her be braver. She says he gave her greater courage to embrace the world, and all that it offers to our imaginations.
We all miss you, Clay. We all wish we had more time.
Wild Geese, by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
This Is Hard!!
This has been a tough few weeks for me. Now I know why. You have been found. I really hope there is a life after because I really have a lot of shit I want to talk to you about!
Our Eternal Love
Bob & Wendy
Our Eternal Love
Bob & Wendy
Thursday, June 12, 2008
A Forever Friend
Since Clay disappeared in November, whenever I look at his photo or think of him(which
has been so often!), I hear his voice greeting me, "ANNIE B'NANNIE!!" Then I hear his greeting to Sally Ayotte, "SALLY RAND McNALLY!!" And I hear his laugh, always his laugh.
I am writing from McMurdo, where I am wintering over, and where I knew Clay best. I had
the pleasure of knowing Clay and working with him here at MacOps, doing field party radio
communications. While we rarely worked 'together' due to our alternating shifts, we had
common interests and friends, and we had what I sometimes call a "just add water" friendship.
It was so easy to be Clay's friend.
Many words come to mind in describing Clay: funny and quirky, solid and dependable, a gentle-man, loyal, articulate and sharp. He was wise beyond his years. Talking with a friend about the lack of clues around his disappearance, she wondered if he might have been taken by a spaceship? "Because he'd be the kind of human being, that a civilization on another planet would want to learn from!" she said. No doubt about it, he was special. He was truly a gift to us all.
Year after year, I couldn't figure out why this wonderful, tall, dark and handsome man remained
single? Until Rachel came along. Instead of being the 'girl next door', she was the 'girl on the radio crew next door'. Together, their laughs multiplied. Their love was born, and their life together grew. Since then, between Denali NPS and Glacier NPS, NZ and the ice, it has been so great to continue to cross paths with you both!
My last correspondence with Clay had to do with one of his great passions in life, career and life skills coaching. Clay was a man who lived by his convictions, he walked his talk. He did in life
as he did on the trail-encouraged us all to reach our full potential, to explore, to go the distance. As he offered me thoughts on taking the necessary steps toward a new life path, he shared a pieced-together quote from Loving What Is, by one of his recent favorite authors, Byron Katie: "We never receive more than we can handle and there is always just one thing to do... Whether you have ten dollars or ten million dollars, life never gets more difficult than that. We really are alive when we live as simply as that-open, waiting, trusting, and loving what appears in front of us now. What we need to do unfolds before us, always."
With so much love to you, Rachel, and to all of the Rubano family.
has been so often!), I hear his voice greeting me, "ANNIE B'NANNIE!!" Then I hear his greeting to Sally Ayotte, "SALLY RAND McNALLY!!" And I hear his laugh, always his laugh.
I am writing from McMurdo, where I am wintering over, and where I knew Clay best. I had
the pleasure of knowing Clay and working with him here at MacOps, doing field party radio
communications. While we rarely worked 'together' due to our alternating shifts, we had
common interests and friends, and we had what I sometimes call a "just add water" friendship.
It was so easy to be Clay's friend.
Many words come to mind in describing Clay: funny and quirky, solid and dependable, a gentle-man, loyal, articulate and sharp. He was wise beyond his years. Talking with a friend about the lack of clues around his disappearance, she wondered if he might have been taken by a spaceship? "Because he'd be the kind of human being, that a civilization on another planet would want to learn from!" she said. No doubt about it, he was special. He was truly a gift to us all.
Year after year, I couldn't figure out why this wonderful, tall, dark and handsome man remained
single? Until Rachel came along. Instead of being the 'girl next door', she was the 'girl on the radio crew next door'. Together, their laughs multiplied. Their love was born, and their life together grew. Since then, between Denali NPS and Glacier NPS, NZ and the ice, it has been so great to continue to cross paths with you both!
My last correspondence with Clay had to do with one of his great passions in life, career and life skills coaching. Clay was a man who lived by his convictions, he walked his talk. He did in life
as he did on the trail-encouraged us all to reach our full potential, to explore, to go the distance. As he offered me thoughts on taking the necessary steps toward a new life path, he shared a pieced-together quote from Loving What Is, by one of his recent favorite authors, Byron Katie: "We never receive more than we can handle and there is always just one thing to do... Whether you have ten dollars or ten million dollars, life never gets more difficult than that. We really are alive when we live as simply as that-open, waiting, trusting, and loving what appears in front of us now. What we need to do unfolds before us, always."
With so much love to you, Rachel, and to all of the Rubano family.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Update from Freemont County Sheriff's Office
It is still winter up on the mountain with snow forcasted for the rest of the week. Everyone is prepared to continue looking for Clay and giving the family and friends some closure. It is the intention of the Fremont County Sheriff's Office to cover the entire area again with Search Dogs when the weather warms up enough to effectively utilize the dogs. There is also a pretty strong local group of people that are on standby waiting for the right time. We cannot set a specific date as Mother Nature never tells us when it will thaw enough to search. We are wanting to get in the area prior to high water and as soon as reasonably possible. I believe it will probably be mid-May before we go, but if we get a very warm week, we will go asap. John Gookin of NOLS is our Search and Rescue Commander in Lander and John will run this search.
I spoke with Margaret Goodro about a month ago and she is planning on another search in early June. Margaret is the Chief Ranger in the Roosevelt Lake area. She will be the Incident Commander for that search and can be reached at phone 509-633-9441 or at e-mail Margaret_Goodro@nps.gov
Margaret is very sharp and keeps the Sheriff's office in the loop of her plans and works very well with us.
In closing, I feel we have an excellent chance of recovering Clay. I want to thank everyone for their patience and understanding in the matter.
Captain David Good
Fremont County Sheriff's Office
460 Railroad
Lander, Wyoming 82520
phone 307-332-1024
e-mail dgood@wyoming.com
I spoke with Margaret Goodro about a month ago and she is planning on another search in early June. Margaret is the Chief Ranger in the Roosevelt Lake area. She will be the Incident Commander for that search and can be reached at phone 509-633-9441 or at e-mail Margaret_Goodro@nps.gov
Margaret is very sharp and keeps the Sheriff's office in the loop of her plans and works very well with us.
In closing, I feel we have an excellent chance of recovering Clay. I want to thank everyone for their patience and understanding in the matter.
Captain David Good
Fremont County Sheriff's Office
460 Railroad
Lander, Wyoming 82520
phone 307-332-1024
e-mail dgood@wyoming.com
Thursday, January 31, 2008
A Bear Hug for Rachel
On Friday, Jan. 25, the Glacier National Park community hosted a benefit to help raise money for spring search efforts. The benefit consisted of a chili cook-off plus a live and silent auction. Because a number of folks were unable to attend the actual event, a virtual auction was held the week prior.
Event organizers were amazed by the turn-out and generosity of folks, over 170 auction items were donated. All the auctions were a source of laughter and entertainment. Some of the hot ticket items were original oil paintings of Glacier landscapes plus Jan Knox's bears. Jan made green and gray ranger uniforms, complete with flat hats, for these cute stuffed bears.
Almost $10,000 was raised between the chili feed, auctions and donations. What a tremendous bear hug for Rachel.
Posted for Jan Cauthorn-Page
Event organizers were amazed by the turn-out and generosity of folks, over 170 auction items were donated. All the auctions were a source of laughter and entertainment. Some of the hot ticket items were original oil paintings of Glacier landscapes plus Jan Knox's bears. Jan made green and gray ranger uniforms, complete with flat hats, for these cute stuffed bears.
Almost $10,000 was raised between the chili feed, auctions and donations. What a tremendous bear hug for Rachel.
Posted for Jan Cauthorn-Page
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